Sunday, 17 June 2012

Sleep Hallucinations

Sleep hallucinations, sleep walking, sleep fighting, sleep shouting and sleep talking. Something that may mean i have some form of deep psychological problem, but at this current moment in time, i feel it may be better to write these problems down than to seek help. The latter comment may seem slightly childish but as well as effecting my own sleeping pattern, it also effects the sleep of anyone within a 10 mile radius (lol).
I have had these sleep problems for, well, just about however long i can remember. Sometimes they can be quite funny; i will break out into fits of laughter during sleep and genuinely seem to be having the time of my life. But the majority of times they are dark and terrifying. Most of the time I wont remember the whole scenarios that 'kick me off' and cause me to thrash out, scream out or walk around. The ones i do remember, stay with me for a very long time. The hallucinations i experience are so 'real' to me that i can never ever distinguish between what is my imagination and what maybe is real. I see 'people' in my room, sometimes people i know, other times complete strangers. Sometimes they will try and talk to me or make some form of gesture which shows contact towards me. Other times these images will just stand there and stare at certain things. Animals have also been known to crop up here and there. For example i remember a crow flapping its wings in the corner of my room, as well as cats harmlessly playing on the floor.
I also have awoken many of times to unreal amounts of fear, the cause of this fear, unknown. Take the most scariest thing you have ever seen in your life. Times it by 100 and you'll have the fear i have occasionally. My heart literally feels as if i have run the marathon in 10 seconds. It's very hard to breathe and all i want to do is escape the room i'm in. I once found myself unlocking my bedroom window which leads directly onto the kitchen roof. I jumped down onto this roof and was about to make an exit into the garden when i realised what i was doing. I had woken up and was trying to carefully make my way back into my bedroom. 
You may think episodes like this scare the bollocks out of me and stop me from going back to sleep. They do, don't get me wrong, but after the episode is finished (usually around 3-4 mins) i fall straight back into unconsciousness again. The only problem with this is the path of destruction i usually leave around me. I will always respect my parents for putting up with this. The vast majoirty of episodes i have do wake them up, usually shitting themselves due to the fact im screaming the place down or banging around. 
I also walk around in my sleep. Very recently i spent 10 mins searching for something in my room. Under clothes, in drawers, down the back of the bed. What i was searching for was completely beyond me as i came to terms with what i was doing. But something in my brain had told me i needed to search for something... WHAT THE F**K WAS IT?!  
I sometimes have an episode where i feel i need to pick a fight with every object in my room. Usually the wardrobe. Many of times i have woken up in mid fight with a battered and broken wardrobe. I understand this sounds very funny, and when i think back, it bloody is, but to wake up in the middle of having it off with Ikea's finest, is one of the most confusing and scary things i can do. It really does get you thinking and worrying. ''What if one day when my mom comes in to calm me down, i accidently hit her?'' or ''What if one day i do serious damage to myself?''. These things are such big possibilities and it scares me so much to think about the consequences of these actions.
I have done my research on this; the information is there to be obtained. It usually is brought on by alcoholic binges the night before or stressful events in coming days. But even when these things are both avoided for long periods of time (due to lack of money or nothing exciting happening), these episodes still occur.
The hallucinations were at their worst during around 16,17 and 18. Now with me being 19, i still do have them quite regularly. They have slightly calmed down with the level of violence i kick out with, the frequency of the attacks and the complexity. Instead of having 4 a week, it has reduced itself to maybe 2 a week and these will be much simpler scenarios. 
Since moving to university and sleeping in a house where other house mates rarely sleep, they experience my night terrors first hand. I am often greeted to stories of my night terrors the morning after. One housemate even tells me that at around 2/3am without fail, something will happen in my room. Either shouting, walking around or banging. Sometimes these are quite serious and sound as if i am in real trouble, but quite a few times the shouting only lasts for 3/4 seconds. 
It does seem as im getting older the night terrors are reducing but i am left with the feeling that it is something i will have for the rest of my life.
The one thing i have noticed about the night terrors as im getting older are the situations. A lot of the situations, i am starting to snap out of or wake up from them quite quickly. I usually remember them the morning after. I also notice that the scenarios that cause me to scream or run out my bedrooms are near death situations. For example, an imaginary slap of concrete falling down on my face. This obviously causes a natural reaction with the body to move very quickly, couple this with the fact that i'm half alseep, usually results in a lot of confusion.

People reading this may think, ''i don't really care'', but to me this is a way of informing people what actually goes on in my head. It does seem with the people that have experienced me having these terrors never really seem to ask me, ''what was going on inside your head?!'', so maybe this is the only way i can tell others. That may sound very 'spoilt brattish' as the last thing a person will want to hear about after having no sleep the night before due to me, is my little ''nightmares''. In that respect, i understand totally. 
I don't even expect many people to read it, sometimes it's just nice to write certain things down. 
Some individuals reading this may think, ''WELL WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE DOCTORS AND SORT IT OUT RATHER THAN MOANING ON A BLOG?!''. The truth is, i don't know why. Think i may have a bit of a fear when it comes to doctors and people assessing. It's not like the doctors office is out my way, in fact i can see it from my bedroom window. Maybe i should just grow a pair and get it sorted but at the moment, everything seems perfect in my life. I don't really want some twat from Oxford telling me i have possible psychological problems or some sleep disorder which requires taking drugs with shite side effects (lol). 

Anyway, thank you for reading and i hope to get a few replies from people with the same problems as me!

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